At Paintbrush Assisted Living, we recognize that sometimes even the hardest decisions made out of love can be handled gently. One such instance is creating a plan for moving a parent with dementia to memory care. A memory care move is usually needed when their care needs exceed what can be managed at home. The move can feel daunting and uncertain, but it doesn’t have to be.
With careful planning, a unified family approach, and a focus on familiarity, you can make the transition to memory care successfully. Loved ones can prepare the room in advance, keep the moving day organized and calm, and work closely with the facility staff to reduce anxiety and ease the transfer.
In this blog, we’re going to cover memory care transition tips for adult children planning a parent’s memory care move. We’ll cover how to plan the memory care move-in day, how long adjustment takes, what to bring to memory care, what the first week looks like, and how to manage transfer trauma dementia.
Before The Move
It’s best to take your loved one on a tour instead of introducing them to their new home only on move-in day. You have to prepare their new space before they can accept it as their new home. The real preparation happens before moving day, as you build a foundation to make move-in day as comfortable as possible. This is when you communicate with the staff about the loved one’s particular care needs and create a personalized living space for them. This will help them avoid facing relocation stress syndrome, which is common with seniors when they transition into a care setting.
Talk with the whole family and create a unified message so everyone uses common, simple, reassuring explanations while addressing the move details with the moving parent.
The ‘Do We Tell Them’ Question, Honestly Answered
What do you say on memory care move-in day? This is probably the most common question every family has when planning a loved one’s memory care move. They’re often unsure how their words will affect the parent. In reality, it’s best to avoid long explanations or heavy debates.
Families should focus on simple, reassuring reasons for the move, such as needing extra help or moving to a safer place, rather than overwhelming details they may not understand or remember. Hearing this may make them feel scared or confused. This is when you, as a loved one, have to match their emotions instead of trying to use logic.
Possible explanations you can give them include: The current home needs work or remodeling, or doctors and family want them to have extra support with meals and medicine.
Building A Life Story Profile For The Care Team
Every person with dementia is unique. Their life stories, medical history, and current preferences differ, which demands a unique care approach. To ensure the memory care staff gets to know your loved one from day one, you have to create a story profile for them and share it with the care team.
While building their care profile, include basic personal details, family and relationship information, past routines and habits, likes, and communication preferences.
Give a copy of this profile to the facility director and nurses before the move-in day and place a copy in your parent’s room. Ask the care team to update the care profile as they learn what works best for your parent.
What To Pack, Duplicate, And Label
A big part of the prep work before move day is packing familiar, comforting items, duplicating key belongings for the parent’s room, and clearly labeling everything. It’s about fostering safety and comfort and creating a space that feels like home.
It’s best to pack items when they aren’t at home, as seeing familiar belongings taken down or replaced can be unsettling. This step can also help with downsizing, as they can let go of possessions they no longer need during this transition.
Keep a spare pair of eyeglasses, dentures, walking aids, and wardrobe staples. To label the clothes, you can use iron-on or waterproof labels with your parent’s full name on them. Use a permanent laundry pen to mark their shoes and bags. You can label personal items with small sticker labels.
Move-In Day, Hour By Hour
Move-in day can be stressful for the whole family. Even with everything planned, families often feel nervous and overwhelmed because of the fear of the unknown. Moving a parent with dementia to memory care requires a calm, structured approach. From choosing the arrival time to deciding who stays, who leaves, and how to plan a calming exit, everything needs to be planned.
Timing Around Their Best Hours (Hours 1—6)
Experts recommend the best time for a senior living transition is late morning or early afternoon, when the individual is active and alert. Before the arrival, the family must have already set up the room. They can bring the parent to the community under a neutral pretext, such as going for lunch. Staff will introduce themselves as new friends or colleagues.
At midday, after they’ve settled in, the family can join the parent for the community meal. This helps them get familiarized with the dining setting and eases the stress of the transition. They can do a group activity together, which will help the parent build familiarity with the community routine.
The Goodbye: Scripts That Reduce Distress (Hours 7—8)
For many families, planning their departure after the parent has settled in can be more difficult than the move-in experience. They need to be practical about the whole process, since late afternoon and evening can trigger sundowning.
Saying goodbye to the parent during this time can aggravate the parent’s anxiety, which can make the move-in experience an unsettling one. Plan a calm exit before peak evening agitation sets in so your departure doesn’t amplify their stress.
Don’t try to sneak out, as this can make them severely anxious. Instead, say goodbye directly, and if they question you about the move, blame it on a third party and avoid arguments.
The First Week: Visits, Calls, And Trusting The Team
After returning home from settling their parent into the community, families often wonder when to visit after move-in. The best thing they can do is plan no visits or calls during the first three to seven days. This quiet time helps your loved one settle into a new routine and bond with the care staff. While it may feel necessary to plan a visit, it’s actually better to trust the care team to guide them through this adjustment phase. Families who feel more anxious about their loved one’s status can call staff once a day to check in. They must trust the staff with their parent’s care needs and behavioral symptoms.
Weeks 2–8: What Adjustment Really Looks Like (Including Setbacks)
Most older adults get through the first week relatively comfortably, only to then experience real exhaustion, confusion, and grief. Reality hits hard as they begin to miss their previous life. During weeks 2-8, their behavioral symptoms flare up as they repeatedly request to go home and may even experience temporary declines in health as the staff learns their unique rhythms and triggers. Hearing these issues, it’s natural for the family to feel overwhelmed and worried about the loved one’s well-being. But they need to realize it’s part of the transition process, which can take longer for some older adults. They can partner with community staff to make necessary updates to care routines and daily life.
‘I Want To Go Home’: Responding With Compassion
Finding out that their parent is constantly repeating the statement “I want to go home,” a family may feel a sense of guilt. They may start doubting their decision and wondering what went wrong. They may wonder whether they could have chosen a different community that could have handled the transition more effectively.
What they actually need to do is respond with compassion. During the visits, instead of arguing, they need to validate their feelings. They must comfort them and gently guide their attention to a new activity. They should step into their reality and say, “Tell me about your favorite room in that house.” To redirect them, they can offer a snack, a cup of tea, or take them on a short walk down the hall.
How Communities Partner With Families Through The Transition
A memory care community doesn’t just provide residents with a place of residence and access to care. It offers them a second home where they can begin their new chapter of life with ease and comfort.
Communities partner with families by gathering a detailed life story, pre-arranging familiar rooms, guiding move-in day routines, and using specialized staff to curate a tailored living experience for new residents.
This is what we do at Paintbrush Assisted Living: we step in and accompany families as they transition their loved one into our premier assisted living setting. We support families not just before the move but also with their loved one’s post-move adjustment.
FAQ
- Should you tell someone with dementia they’re moving?
No. Families and experts often note that telling a person with moderate or advanced dementia about a major move long beforehand may cause deep anxiety, confusion, and resistance.
- What time of day is best for a memory care move?
The best time of day for a memory care move is late morning or early afternoon. Planning the move around this window helps the person with dementia feel most alert, adjust to the new space more easily, and have lunch without facing sundowning.
- How do you set up the room to feel familiar?
Place a well-loved quilt or blanket on the bed, hang a few favorite framed photos at eye level, and set out a familiar scent or comfort item. Keep the layout simple and uncluttered, as clutter can be confusing.
- Should family visit during the first week or stay away?
Most experts recommend waiting 1 to 2 weeks before planning the first visit. This gives families time to adjust to the new life without reminiscing about old routines.
- How long does adjustment take?
Typically, the adjustment period after a memory care move takes 30 to 90 days. The first two to four weeks are usually the most challenging.
Paintbrush Assisted Living – A Premier, Compassionate Memory Care Community
At Paintbrush Assisted Living, we understand how overwhelming it can be for a family to plan moving a parent with dementia to memory care. By following the above-mentioned information, a family can ensure a safe and comfortable transition for their loved one with dementia to a memory care community. Families must recognize the fact that the move is a significant transition and a major change in the parent’s life. It will take time for both the family and the parent to accept the transition and begin this new chapter of life.
Adult children seeking a reliable, compassionate memory care community for their loved one with dementia can choose Paintbrush Assisted Living. We are a resident-oriented community focused on holistic well-being. From day one, residents see what makes us a premier memory care option. We tailor daily living to residents’ preferences, histories, and habits to promote an engaged, uplifting lifestyle. Schedule a tour and see for yourself how we create a homelike daily living experience for our residents.
